... but first an old curse
I have attempted to keep my recent feet to myself as I didn't want to be bogged down by both encouraging words or disapproval and thankfully it seems to have worked, or at the very least my resolve has in keeping free from THC for 90 days. That day is on May 24th this next Friday. Finally I am able to browse for a new job free from the anxieties and fears of failing a drug test. Let me remind you reader that though one cannot be fired from testing positive for THC so long as it's used outside of work hours and the field you are working isn't a... I think protected field? Either way it does not cover the hiring process and whatever jobs and business require a completely clean sample still have not been changed by this new rule. Hopefully that changes one day, hopefully sooner than later but alas it doesn't change my current situation.
This security is top of nothing and is certainly not in flight.
Back when I was working at the hookah lounge and our bar became popping it was clear that we needed an actual security person to help us manage with the rowdiness and though I have forgotten exactly how we met this fellow his story has left a mark on my career prospects. This man was working for corporate levels of security for a major hospital earning 120k a year. I assumed that perhaps his life was as high octane as it could get giving his salary but denied this and said that working weekends with us was actually the thrill he was looking for from security. Not once in the many years that he has been working that job had he ever had an issue that needed to be escalated. In fact, a lot of our patrons and people that became first name basis were currently working as or had just left working as entry level security jobs. One of them was even 8 months pregnant still patrolling and well.. It was obvious if they could do it I certainly could too. I'm not going to spend this time talking about the absolute train wreck that was trying to work security at Target but instead highlight my experience working this company.
We are at best, a warm body. I have made several jokes that a trained monkey could do this job just as well if not better and have seen that joke come to life as there is a family of geese that have nestled into pond on a property that I watch and the male is no joke, staying ever vigilant that no one will approach his woman and their child. All that's left is a little outfit and orders to do that around the entire property and boom, I'm out of a job.
Truth is this job is dealing more so with people who simply can't afford to pay for a place to live and its clear that not all of them are in these situations because of things that they have done to themselves. Don't get me wrong, there are some that strike me as extremely entitled and didn't want to hop off the video games when they barely graduated from high school but a lot of these guys are seriously down on their luck and some have just accepted their life sentence to the streets.
For what I'm getting paid and what I'm contributing to society and my own feelings about this matter I don't want to do this anymore. Security is indeed a gig that pays a lot of money for minimal work, though extremely acute when in action this level is something I'm just completely over.
So what's next?
It's clear. The gigs that pay the most also require that the personnel but armed. I have an idea of where I want to take this to but unfortunately it became clear to me tat when I was in the application process I had lost my guard card and no one here seems to know where it could be. I have a strong feeling that S O M E O N E stole it but at this point the reason as to why it was stolen was because of the nifty little backpack I had placed the card in and if we're being completely honest the license is worth more than the bag itself. I just ordered a replacement.
My 90 days sober from THC is this coming Friday and I couldn't be more anxious and nervous to reach that day. I am more stressed about this date than I was turning 30, and I will loudly and openly admit that when the clock struck midnight on my birthday I cried. I felt alone yet grateful that I had made it this far considering the extremely rocky road my life had been during my 20's (yuck)
I am scared that if the hiring process is delayed my will to stay clean will falter and there is already an event BEFORE my victory day that is going to pose a serious and astronomical threat to my desire to stay clean, or rather... and unfortunately so my new desire to throw in the towel and stay with my company and enlist myself to at least another 6 months of bum fighting as I call it.
I have made several extremely impulsive decisions not just lately but in general with shopping therapy. After I came back from my infamous Britney moment I took my tip money and bought myself a gaming laptop. After doing that I got some buyers remorse from doing so though admittedly it was nice to be back on PC but I realized that I now had the money to buy something I had been eyeing since I was 17... a MacBook. So after saving a couple of paychecks and buying and returning a few different models I settled on a 14in MacBook Pro. Two laptops now. It wouldn't be long until this little nifty device called a ROG Ally was announced and was put in stores that was nothing short of an early 2000's YouTube concept video of what a handheld xbox would look like and it performs just as so. I had to curve my shopping addiction and resist buying however this last holiday season they went on sale for the first time for over a hundred dollars off and since it seems that the wrinkles were ironed out I added yet another portable device to my arsenal.
Then in another moment of complete impulse I purchased a 9th gen iPad. It was so impulsive that I got a color I didn't even want. I set it up and played with it all of like two days before forgetting about it and telling myself that I was going to have to return it anyways because I wanted the darker model and in those two dats I completely forgot I even owned the damned thing and I was back to looking at Target for sales on a iPad when it dawned on me, holy shit I have one in my bag right now and it's probably and was past due for return. Damn...
Then I quit smoking and about a month in I was ready to throw in the towel since a particular event at work had been resolved and the threat of butting heads with the fan favorite was gone I was struggling. I made *yet another* impulsive buy and decided to get myself a full PC to run Helldivers 2. I would like to tell you that this was the last impulsive buy I have made but yet again I have decided to add another item to my EDC... a device that I won't name because Im a jerk but a gadget that will allow me to work much faster at my current job.
So here's the predicament.
I'm 90 days clean this Friday. Before that day there will be an event that will severely test my resolve to stay clean. My replacement cert will most likely come in around my 90th day and I'm free to explore options outside of what I have now. This device I have bought that specifically makes my current job easier is now in my possession but won't be used for very long (mind you this device wasn't cheap) &&& there is an enormous possibility that the hiring process for my current dream job might take so long that again I break my promise to myself and requirement to stay clean so that I can finally put this job behind me. Mind you this is just the surface level, this doesn't include the fact this job is the first time I've actually gotten to work full-time hours regularly as promised.
Dear Reader... Please help. I'm not begging for engagement by asking for a comment though you could do so anonymously perhaps or if you don't mind talking about this to me openly I am able to talk on instagram. Anyways, my hands hurt now and I'm probably going to nap with chief or finish watching the latest scary comp.
